Thanks for reading this week.
For the month of May, I have been focused on you.
Actually, it is more about you focusing on you.
But not in a selfish way, in a necessary way.
Because at some point, the way we spend our time tells the truth about what we are really protecting…and what we are not.
The Reality
A few years ago, I worked with a leader who was exhausted and could not understand why.
She felt like she was constantly running uphill.
Like she could not catch her breath.
Like no matter how much she did, there was always more waiting for her.
At first, it showed up at work…
she became shorter with people
she took on more than she needed to
she said yes when she should have paused
she kept accepting more from the leaders above her and rarely pushed back
The glass ceiling felt close…Or so she thought.
So she kept going.
More meetings. More requests. More late nights. More “must haves.”
More moments where she told herself: “I just need to get through this season.”
But the season never ended…
The Calendar Told the Truth
We pulled up her calendar.
Then we looked at the same stretch of time from the year before.
The difference was hard to ignore:
Her workouts had dropped by almost two-thirds.
Her attendance at church had been cut almost in half.
Her volunteer work had nearly disappeared.
She was still showing up at her children’s events, but she was rarely present.
Her vacations were full of meetings that somehow became “must haves.”
Her evenings were no longer evenings.
Her weekends were no longer weekends.
Her calendar had become an honest document.
It showed what her words had been avoiding.
Her title was getting the best of her…her work was getting the best of her…
Her family was getting what was left…and what was left was not enough.
The Wake
At home, her marriage was struggling.
She and her husband argued more often.
They became distant.
Frustrated.
Sharp with each other over things that were not really the issue.
She spent more time alone being upset than actually refilling her tank.
The hours outside the office were still being spent with work.
Even when she was home, work was still in the room.
That is the part we often miss.
The cost of overextension does not stay at the office:
It follows us home.
It sits at the dinner table.
It rides in the car.
It shows up in the tone we use with people we love.
It changes how present we are with our children.
It changes how connected we feel to our spouse.
It changes how patient we are with ourselves.
Her calendar was not just showing a schedule.
It was telling a story…and the story was this:
Everything else could wait…
her health could wait…
her faith could wait…
her marriage could wait…
her joy could wait…
her rest could wait…
her life could wait…
Work could not.
That story was destroying what mattered most.
The Shift
We walked through the calendar.
We looked at what had changed.
We looked at what had disappeared.
Then we built a plan…not a dramatic one.
A REAL ONE.
Because taking your life back rarely starts with one big move.
It starts with telling the truth.
It starts with looking at the evidence.
It starts with admitting that your calendar may be more honest than your explanation of it.
And that is hard.
Because most of us do not lose ourselves through one reckless decision.
We lose ourselves through responsible “ones”:
One more meeting
One more email
One more late night
One more skipped workout
One more missed dinner
One more vacation interrupted by work
One more yes we did not mean
And eventually, the life we say matters most becomes the life that gets whatever time is left over.
The Personal Side
We do not get a second chance at this thing called life.
We do not get a coupon at death’s door because we spent too much time working and death feels sorry for us.
That may sound blunt. But it is true.
We read it over and over again from people facing the end of life. They tell us time is short. They tell us presence matters. They tell us the titles, emails, meetings, and urgent requests were never the whole story.
Ben Sasse spoke about this recently in his 60 Minutes interview as he reflected on his terminal cancer diagnosis, his family, and the reality that time is finite.
We know that.
But most of us do not live like it.
We live like we can keep borrowing from ourselves without consequence.
We borrow from our health. We borrow from our marriage. We borrow from our children. We borrow from our faith. We borrow from our friendships. We borrow from our peace.
Then we act surprised when the debt comes due.
The Practical Lens
Take time this week. Three steps:
Print out your calendar.
Look at this month.
Then compare it to the same time last year.
Ask yourself:
What has disappeared?
What has quietly been reduced?
What keeps getting pushed to later?
What do I say matters most that my calendar does not protect?
Then write down what is most important to you.
NOT what sounds good.
NOT what you are supposed to say.
What is actually most important.
Your health.
Your marriage/relationship.
Your children.
Your faith/beliefs.
Your friendships.
Your purpose.
Your peace.
Your work.
Your growth.
Your service.
Whatever belongs on that list, write it down.
Then compare the list to your calendar.
If they match, good. Protect that.
If they do not, that is okay. Now you have a place to start.
Do not use the exercise to blame yourself.
Do not use it to blame everyone else.
Use it to tell the truth.
Then slowly start building a plan to take your calendar back.
One boundary. One conversation. One protected hour. One honest no. One meaningful yes. One small return to the life you say you want.
Because your calendar does not lie.
And the life you are building is already written there.
If you do this exercise and do not like what your calendar is telling you, send me a note.
Tell me what disappeared first.
I will respond with one question to help you start taking it back.
Because leadership isn’t the splash.
It’s the current you leave behind.
Every Intention creates a ripple. Leadership lives in the wake.
Thanks for your time,
Robert